As a relationship skilled for over 40 years, a baby of divorce who has been divorced twice and eventually discovered his soul mate (we celebrated our sixteenth marriage ceremony anniversary this yr) I’ve discovered quite a bit about what it takes to have a contented, profitable, fulfilled life and relationship.
First, let’s acknowledge that there are not any credible analysis or “info” that may reply this query. Relationships, love and the human expertise are a “comfortable science” and analysis can solely establish traits, not info that apply to all, versus “laborious science” like math, physics, drugs, and many others. that may show info and efficacy.
So any reply to this query is pure opinion and a few shall be knowledgeable by a big sufficient physique of expertise and studying and a few shall be based mostly upon a slender POV of 1 particular person’s beliefs and anecdotal experiences. I encourage all readers to be vital thinkers and don’t imagine what anybody says you could’t discover credible proof for.
That mentioned, of the various potential methods to handle this query, after I dip into my mind for a solution I’m impressed to share two of the most important ideas of life, love and relationships that I’ve discovered over time:
Precept #1: What’s inside reveals up on the surface.
You possibly can’t conceal your aware or unconscious beliefs, ideas, attitudes, trauma, fears, weaknesses, and many others. Every little thing ultimately leaks out, particularly in a major relationship residing with one particular person day after day. You might have quite a lot of constructive strengths, wishes, good intentions, hopes and desires, nevertheless it’s your weaknesses and the components of your self that you just deny and don’t like (typically known as your “shadow” self) that can sabotage your life and relationship(s).
“What’s inside reveals up on the surface” can also be an excellent definition of the Legislation of Attraction. It doesn’t matter whether or not you imagine it or not, prefer it or not, agree with it or not, it’s inescapable- belief me, I’ve tried. “Like attracts like” is a unifying precept of the Universe, as necessary and pervasive as gravity, with out which, atomic components wouldn’t stick collectively.
Precept #2: Your relationships are your mirrors.
What you place out, whether or not aware or unconscious, intentional or unintentional, desired or undesired, will get mirrored again to you by these closest to you, particularly your major accomplice. It isn’t their fault they usually can’t do in any other case, however it’s their GIFT to you as you possibly can’t take care of one thing for those who fake it doesn’t exist, deny it, suppress it, and focus in your desired view of your self that your ego needs to be actual.
So how do you be taught to like your self and actually expertise love with others? It’s a protracted journey (took me 50 years) that begins with actually embracing the above and studying to like, recognize and take care of the components of your self that you just deny and don’t like, each aware and unconscious, and the 2 ideas above will make it easier to even for those who would moderately not take care of them. This entails a degree of emotional threat and honesty with your self and others that most individuals keep away from in any respect prices and select to be offended, sad and depressing moderately than accomplish that.
Your painful relationship experiences are studying alternatives and for those who can lastly notice that you just create your personal relationship failures and decide to altering that, the instruments, sources and assist you want to take action are throughout you and simply out there.
